w i l t e d
by nottheonlyfanaround
Summary: Themed for The Houses Competition


House: Ravenclaw

Word Count: 2241

Category: Themed

Prompt(s): [First Line] The flowers died three weeks ago.

* * *

The flowers died three weeks ago. They had rotted away, the beauty of them subsiding into a rotten mess. He knew they were dead by the way they had shriveled up, the way their petals had turned an awful murky brown-ish color. The flowers had been red lilies, which was ironic, to Severus at least. He presumed it was her parent's doing, placing flowers on her grave that would remind everyone of her bold vibrance.

It was ironic, however, not because of the vibrancy, but the chosen color itself. It seemed to almost perfectly match the color of her hair. The green of the stem reflecting her eyes in a way, although hardly comparing to their _real_ beauty. A beauty no one would be able to see now that she was dead, yes, Severus had come to terms with that fact. However, the same flowers were placed on the gravestone next to hers. Her husband's grave. So maybe it was his parents who had put them there.

The words left on the two gravestones seemed to jump out at him, taunting him from where he towered above them. They stared up as him as he glared down at them. The words etched into Lily's headstone, phrases like; "Splendid Wife," or, "Loving Mother." They reminded him that she wasn't _his_ , not even in death could he even try to _think_ that she was his.

Severus had attended their funeral three weeks ago, even though he hadn't been invited. He watched as Remus Lupin spoke about James Potter, how dearly everyone would miss him, how all those who knew him would remember him a hero. Then he had watched with blurry vision as Lily's mother talked about how Lily had been a bright child, Mr. Evans doing the same, both of them sobbing during their speech.

But Severus was the person who had known her best, he wanted to scream at them about how wrong they were. How Lily and Petunia didn't have a perfect relationship, shout at the top of his lungs about how Lily would run to him crying about the insults Petunia would throw at her. Scream till his voice was gone that she hadn't loved James from the day they met, tell them how much she had hated him for _so very long_.

He didn't, however, for he knew they would just give him the cold shoulder. Tell him to leave and never return, he was sure that Lily had told them what had happened between the two of them. Severus was lucky they hadn't forbidden him from attending the funeral in the first place. He had left the graveyard before anyone else had, not wanting anyone to see the angry tears streaming down his pale face, the bitterness inside him burning bright like a fire. Severus still couldn't understand why she had chosen that glasses-wearing prat over him, why she had died with the last name Potter. The last name that she had hated for so long.

But now, three weeks later, Severus seemed to understand _everything_. The bitterness had faded after a week and a half, leaving him in a pensive mood for a few days. That time had left him to think over everything. He had pondered over why she had left him, why she hadn't chosen him in the end. He had wanted so badly to blame it on Potter, but now he understood it wasn't James' fault. He could tell that nothing in the universe would have stopped him from calling her that wretched name, it was written by fate to happen, and so it would. No matter what he could have done it had ended this way, and he wouldn't ever be able to undo all his mistakes.

Severus had brought this upon himself, and the more he stared at those wilted flowers, the more he understood why everything had turned out this way, the more he realized how and why everything had happened. Realized the cause behind the effect, figured out what had started it all. It had all begun so long ago, in their third year, when he had introduced Lily to his Slytherin friends. Or when he had _tried_ to introduce her at least.

\- Third Year -

 _A young Slytherin boy had been walking down the corridors to the dungeons, arm in arm with his best friend; a friendly girl from Gryffindor, whose hair was bright like fire. They had met years ago, before even entering Hogwarts, and had become fast friends despite their differing personalities. Severus Snape and Lily Evans were inseparable._

 _Severus had been eager to introduce Lily to his friends in Slytherin; Lucius Malfoy and Regulus Black to name two. He didn't know how it would go down, but they had been kind towards him since he had arrived in their house, so why wouldn't they be kind towards Lily?_

 _He soon found out, too soon for his liking, about the prejudices that filled the pure blooded community. They hated her, went even so far as to insult her. It was because of her blood status, or so they said. She wasn't worthy because she was muggleborn; a mudblood as they'd put it. She had run off crying, Severus ran off after her, losing sight of her quickly. He ended up unable to find her for an hour or so._

 _In the hour that she had disappeared, she had been crying in the abandoned girls bathrooms, what he had mistaken as the wails of Myrtle had been Lily instead. He had comforted her, told her he didn't mean for that to happen._

 _Severus offered comforting words, and the two spoke in whispers. It made him happy to see the glow returning to her beautiful eyes, to see a smile creep slowly back onto her face. The two soon broke out into fits of laughter, Myrtle banishing them from her bathroom because the abandoned room wasn't supposed to be filled with laughter._

 _The two had struggled to stand as they left the room, the angry shouts of Myrtle from behind them only causing them to laugh harder. Severus smiled at Lily's smiling face, happy that she wasn't upset anymore. All seemed well._

\- Present Day -

Now older and wiser, Severus realized, as he sat down next to Lily's grave, that moment had been the marking of the first crack in their friendship. He understood that he had started dwindling his chances at her love even back then. He just hadn't noticed, he had been too blind, too naive. He understood it had been him all along; Severus had driven the wedge between them...

\- Fifth Year -

 _"I don't need help from you Mudblood!" Severus Snape yelled at the fiery red-head who had offered him a hand._

 _Lily's eyes had widened, a mixture of shock and horror took over her facial features. Tears had started welling up in her eyes, though she tried to hide them. Severus' face flashed with a split second of utter terror, though it quickly vanished, replaced with anger only seconds later._

 _Lily ran off, after yelling at him and Potter, leaving both of them to glare at each other. That night Severus had tried to fix it, telling her it had been a mistake, that he didn't mean it. She wouldn't listen though, she was stubborn, and hurt._

 _She never forgave him, despite his fragile hopes that she would. Lucius Malfoy had told Severus to let her go, saying a girl with her blood status wasn't good enough to hang out with him anyway, wasn't worthy. But Severus just couldn't live a life without Lily, he didn't think he would survive without her._

\- Present Day -

Yet despite his attempts here he was, resting against Lily's gravestone, living on while she had died. He understood now, he had sent her away from him the entire time. James Potter, the boy with an ego bigger than his body, hadn't been the reason Lily left him.

He realized that it was his own fault, his own actions that sent her running away from him. Severus had done this to himself, and he came to a shocking revelation as he sat upon the cold ground, back pressed against the corner of Lily's grave.

 _He'd killed her._

If he told anyone else about that thought they would call him crazy, how could he have killed her? It was common knowledge that it Voldemort was the person who had shot the worst of the unforgivable curses at her, Voldemort who had banished Lily Evans' soul to the afterlife.

But if Severus hadn't been so focused on proving himself as a Death Eater, Voldemort wouldn't have even been to the Potter's house. It was _he_ who had told The Dark Lord about the prophecy, _he_ who had been so desperate to show he was worth something that he hadn't noticed he had pushed Lily into harm's way.

Severus understood now, as he stared blankly up at the starry sky, that he had been the cause of her death. When he had first heard the prophecy he had only thought of the last name Potter, the person who he had closely associated that last name with was James. Severus had momentarily forgotten that Lily was a Potter, that she was married and had a son.

All that was racing through Severus' mind was; if James died maybe Lily would come back to him, love _him_ instead of the egotistical Gryffindor. But now Lily was dead, because of him, because of _his_ mistakes. He understood as he gazed sadly at the moon, he realized that nothing would ever be the same anymore. A horrifying realization took over his thoughts moments later.

 _He would have to teach their son magic._

Their son would have magical blood in him, that was for sure, and Severus was horrified at the fact that he would have to teach the child magic. He was a Potions Master at Hogwarts, and sooner or later he would have to teach the son of the woman he used to love, the woman he still loved. The woman he would never bring himself to forget for all his years.

That was the most shocking understanding he had come to that night, that night where he slept at the gravestone of his lost love. The night Severus would always remember as the night he wished it was all just a nightmare, like the ones he used to have as a child.

But he knew, the cold hard truth was there, and Severus _knew_ that even if this was a nightmare; it was one he would never wake up from. It would last until he died, and he understood that, he understood it far too well...

\- Ten Years Later -

It had been a decade and there he was, Harry Potter. Standing there gazing around with his emerald green eyes that seemed to glow; just like Lily's had all those years ago. The boy met his gaze, holding his scar and looking away quickly. Severus finally understood the reason he was here.

He had to help this boy, Severus had to help this boy fix Severus' own mistakes. It was only right, only expected for him to do so. Help he would, but from the shadows with a well crafted mask. He had to make the Potter boy hate him, if he got close to those eyes he would go mad.

Because Severus Snape _knew_. He knew that in the end, he would have to pretend to betray the school. He didn't think he could bear to see those eyes looking at him with the same shocked and hurt expression from the eyes in his past.

He understood now that he would have to hate this boy, would have to despise the brunette child, put up a mask and not let it fall. He would have to be horrible, evil, everything a Slytherin student was classed to be. Severus Snape would seem to be the worst teacher at Hogwarts to Harry Potter, it had to be that way or their future wouldn't be safe.

So Severus resigned himself to scowling at the child in hallways, or asking him questions there was no way he would know the answers to. Took to taunting the boy, and making crude remarks, starting rumors amongst his students as to keep the Potter boy away from him.

Truth be told it was easier than expected to hate the child. Harry Potter had glasses and hair that perfectly reflected his father. Everyone knew Severus loathed James, so it was only natural for him to hate the spitting image of the Potter. The only reason Severus was truly helping this boy was because he was Lily's son, because he owed it to her. She had died saving this child, and he would be damned if her death was in vain. He would keep the boy out of harm's way, for Lily.

Harry would tell the other students that Severus just didn't understand what it was like, didn't understand how hard life could be. But oh how Severus Snape understood, he understood far too well. He knew what hardships life could bring, understood that life wasn't easy. Severus knew what happened when he got too close to people, when he tried to create bonds. They broke, shattered into a million pieces, became damaged beyond repair.

 _ **That's why he would never make any bonds, not ever again.**_


End file.
